I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize