I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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