I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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