we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
