can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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