My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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