theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
