They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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