I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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