If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
