what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
