let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
