I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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