im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
