well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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