I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
