This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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