I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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