I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
