after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
