Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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