Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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