Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
