Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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