Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
