i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
