Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
