the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
