She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
