Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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