I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This is my gift to your gina
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
