I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
