There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
