He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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