I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
