so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just had sex on a roof
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
