you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
