Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
