i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
