What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
