Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
