I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
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