I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
