I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
