sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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