Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
