This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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