so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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