I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
