my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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