farters have to be the big spoon...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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