According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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