you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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