yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Randomize