dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
