Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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