either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
