so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize