i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
