theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
