she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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