I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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