I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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