im drinking this country out of the recession.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
