the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
