I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
