Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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