Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
