you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
