Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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