Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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