This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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