you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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