I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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