my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
