I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
