3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
that may or may not have been my penis.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
