not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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