i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize